5 of Wands + 8 of Swords

Last night I watched a documentary about the alcon blue butterfly. 

It has a thoroughly wild process of becoming – after they hatch from eggs, the caterpillar larvae consciously lower themselves into underground ant nests. Some get eaten. But some change color and scent in order to mimic the likeness of the ant larvae, and in so doing, actually receive nourishment from creatures that would otherwise kill them and eat them.  

The ones that make it begin to pupate, and eventually they emerge from the chrysalis, walk up and out of the den of danger, and expand its wings. This is the story we’re usually told, and it all seems so linear and easy. The thing is, it’s pretty damn messy what happens in the chrysalis. The caterpillar dissolves itself in its own enzymes – it literally eats itself alive. And from this liquid self, cells are rearranged and built into new organs and wings and things. 

It makes me think about how freedom and wildness require risk to be present. How we sometimes have to choose to put ourselves in situations that we know might kill us (perhaps metaphorically and/or physically) in order to become another version of ourselves. How it is actually a gift to be able to choose risk and discomfort. And in our messy states, having the courage and patience to allow ourselves deep rest, care and time to re-imagine and rebuild.